The Morals for a Monster
by Almei
Summary: Remus has to deal with his past, morals, and how to keep friendships in-tact. Smut to come, rating for safety for later chapters.
1. Prologue

Prologue

The wind never used to bother Remus. Even the tapping of tree branches on a blusterous night never awoke the boy.

He was four years old and asleep in his dark room. No nightlight was turned on; his parents long ago found their precious son didn't need it to help him fall asleep like most young children. It seemed that Remy knew better than to believe there were monsters under his bed or the closet. Even as a child the boy was smart.

Tonight he was alone with his babysitter, his parents having left to spend an evening together at a show. Remus' muggle mother loved seeing shows and while his father was not a huge fan, he was willing to put up with a few hours of it to please his beloved wife. They had told Remus goodnight and had left not long after it had turned dark. His babysitter had tucked him into bed, carefully walking out after reading Remus his bedtime story, making sure not to step on any of the toys scattered around.

Later in the night, close to midnight, it was the sound of the window being tested that woke Remus that fateful fall evening. His drowsy little mind took awhile to fully recollect why he was currently conscious. With blurry auburn eyes, the young boy surveyed his room, full of shadows that would be menacing to most children. But Remus was not afraid. Nothing seemed to be amiss to his young eyes, though he felt something was different. A simple bump in the night wouldn't have pulled him from his dreams, right?

He clamored from his bed – a new big boy bed his parents had presented to him just a few weeks ago. Yawning widely, the boy sleepily shuffled to his window, vaguely remembering that it had woken him up. The cold night air made him shiver as he slowly remembered his window hadn't been open when he went to bed. There were deep gashes in the frame, and the lock on the window had been broken. It was apparent an intruder had wrenched it open.

Remus, now scared, whimpered and began to back away from his window, kicking his toys as he shuffled backwards. His worst fears came true as he backed up right into a large, solid, furry body that reeked of death, old blood and an acrid scent the boy couldn't place. Little Remus whirled around to set eyes on the living shadow that had intruded. His eyes grew wide and he trembled violently, his voice frozen in his throat as the blood drained from his face. The shadowed creature gave a wicked grin before striking Remus across the face with its long claws.

Blood fell onto the carpet as he fell with a thud as the creature laughed cruelly and approached Remus' fallen form. He gasped and fought as he was picked up by the scruff of his neck to be brought up to the shadow creature's elongated face. Remus stopped his squirming and fighting as he felt sharp claws pierce the skin on his neck, so close to his spine.

As the moonlight parted the shadows, a cruel and grotesque face of a monster appeared, painted eerily for the young Remus by the pale light of the full moon. Matted fur and fearsome eyes smirked at the boy. "Scream for me," Fenrir commanded in a raspy whisper before the tender flesh of Remus' shoulder was torn away.

Screams of pain and fear filled the night as footsteps from his babysitter came to his rescue. "Remus! Remus, are you all right? Remus!"


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters. Also quoted material from _Order of the Phoenix_, chapter 28 of the American hardback edition.

**Notes:** Apology on the slowness of this update. I'm writing this chapter by chapter with my betas reading when they have time. And college doesn't always allow that. Stupid college. BTW, thank you to my betas! And for you readers, a teasing end for this chapter. :3

Chapter 1

Remus was awoken by his own screams and from the rough shaking from urgent hands and a scared voice that was not his babysitter's.

"Remus! Remus! Mate it's just a dream, wake up!" James said his glasses skewed on his face, probably because he had thrown them on in a panic. Being woken up by screams from the bed nearby could do that to a guy.

"I'm fine," Remus muttered, running a hand through his hair, damp with cold sweat. His rapid breathing said otherwise. "Just a nightmare, nothing you need to get worked up over." Though knowing he had people to worry over him was something Remus liked. For a long time it had just been his parents. Friends were still a concept he hadn't gotten used to yet, even after having the Marauders for years now. Having people worried was nice, but having that nightmare was not. It always seemed to pop up near the full moon.

"Must have been some nightmare." Sirius sounded just as worried as James, his grey eyes showing concern as he gazed at Remus from beside James, noticing Remus was still shaking. It wasn't like Remus to scream like that. He was usually so calm and collected, even during nightmares he'd admitted to dreaming of hurting someone. Never had they made Moony scream.

"I'm fine. Just the pressure of our tests today," Moony lied, throwing his legs over the empty side of his bed, away from James and Sirius. "I just need some food in me and a last minute look over my notes," was the last of the conversation as Remus went to grab a quick shower before breakfast. Maybe that would alleviate the quivers that wracked his body despite being awake now.

James and Sirius looked dubiously at each other, but neither said a word on the subject. If Remus wasn't ready to talk, who were they to push him? So they merely followed their friend's suit and began to dress. Peter poked his head out from his bed, looking quite sleepy. "Hey, wasn't going on?" Obviously someone was the heavy sleeper.

---

As the young werewolf arrived in the Great Hall, he took a seat in an empty section of a bench and proceeded to fill his plate with chocolate chip pancakes, a favorite breakfast item of Remus'. He set up a book and began to pore over it, ignoring the sounds of the other students' voices echoing from the vaulted ceiling. Or at least he tried to. Instead, his mind was still trying to calm the rest of his body down from that nightmare. It had just been a dream. A bad dream, but just a dream nonetheless. But why did it have to come now, of all days? The day of their O.W.L. exams!

Exasperated by his subconscious, Remus ran a hand through his auburn hair that strayed from the stubby ponytail he'd pulled back messily before fleeing the dormitories. This was not his day he could already tell.

The rest of the Marauders arrived to join Remus once he was halfway through his tall stack of pancakes and still on the page he started with. He gave them no greeting, just kept looking at his book, seeing but not reading and was attempting to ignore his surroundings. Sirius, noticing his friend's distracted gaze, proceeded to try and snitch a few pancakes. But instead he got a low growl and a smart rap on the hand from Remus.

"Hey, Moony, give a dog a bone here!" Sirius said playfully, though he did rub his hand as he pouted a bit.

"Ha, ha, so clever of you, Sirius. Get your own food, there's plenty," Remus responded dryly as he stabbed his pancakes and attempted to read his book again. He knew Sirius was only trying to cheer him up, but Remus was not in the mood to pretend feeling better to make Sirius feel he had accomplished something. Sirius' ego didn't need anymore inflating. The stress of the exams and now his nightmare were enough to make him want to crawl back to bed and wait until the next full moon, when he didn't have to worry about such trivial things. Exams were for humans, not monsters like him.

James and Sirius, meanwhile, chatted amiably as they ate their own breakfast. Nothing seemed to faze those two, not Sirius with his Black charm and mischievous streak. Not James with confidence oozing out of him like the syrup from the jug Remus had put on his pancakes. Even pudgy little Peter was more human than Remus would ever be, though some might beg to differ. And sometimes Remus did.

Thoughts of wishing to be a normal wizard boy were broken as the students were being shooed out of the Great Hall, so the teachers could prepare it for the exams. Moony followed his companions out of the Great Hall, nose still buried in his book, now truly skimming over the text. Last minute studying never hurt anyone, though the shrill chatter of girls made it more difficult. Most fretting over the exams that were fast upon them. Usually Remus would give them more thought, but not now. Not today. Not when he felt like shit and he vaguely wondered if he could conjure a glass of water without anyone noticing.

Before the students knew it, they were being ushered in filling the desks where they were to take their tests in. It was now or never to put their knowledge to the test, and everyone knew it. Most people looked anxious, either white or green in the face, some even boarding on both extremities.

But for Remus, the exam wasn't quite as bad as he had expected. It was all on the material they had covered in class, so easy! Still he reread his answers to make sure they were correct, his quill scratching an annoying itch in his chin as he thought. And it was like that during the entire test period, writing down answers, pausing to double-check grammar and information.

"Quills down, please!" called Professor Flitwick, signaling they had run out of time. Remus sighed, sitting back as Flitwick collected their parchments, toppling himself over as the parchments zoomed towards him. Moony sighed and shook his head. Professor Flitwick was a good teacher, if a little comical, unintentionally.

Said professor dismissed them once he had been helped up to his feet. Remus joined the rest of the Marauders, of who were of course in a gaggle of girls, basking in their attention. Lupin was more of a one on one kind of guy, so groups were not enjoyable for him. He always felt uncomfortable in them and slightly claustrophobic at times.

"Did you like question ten, Moony?" Sirius asked as they all made their way to the entrance hall, close to the freedom of the outdoors Remus suddenly found himself craving; anywhere else but inside where the walls could stifle him.

"Loved it," he responded briskly, trying to keep his exasperation out of his voice. " 'Give five signs that identify the werewolf.' Excellent question." Excellent question indeed, how much of a freebie was that one for him?

James jumped in on the fun of course, teasing Remus, "D'you think you managed to get all the signs?"

"Think I did. One: He's sitting on my chair. Two: He's wearing my clothes. Three: His name's Remus Lupin…" Might as well entertain his friends for the time being. Perhaps they would move to another topic quicker if he did. The werewolf subject was always a bit touchy for Remus but today it especially was. He couldn't help but smirk though, as James and Sirius laughed. He joined them in their infectious laugher, finding the sunlight eased his nerves a bit as they moved onto their second home: Hogwart's grounds.

Peter, their own personal tag-a-long wanna-be, put a damper on things though, voicing his frets he hadn't gotten question ten correct.

Potter to the rescue though. "How thick are you, Wormtail? You run around with a werewolf once a month-"

"Keep your voice down," Remus suddenly hissed, wishing Sirius had never brought up the subject. Damn did he need some chocolate to soothe his high-strung nerves.

The Marauders headed over towards their favorite tree out in the grounds, happy to enjoy the sunny break they had gotten. Well, at least three of them were planning on living the day to its fullest, along with most of their year. Remus was going to extract himself from the merriment, sticking his nose back into another textbook for another exam as he leaned comfortably against the trunk of the tree. Being in Hogwarts and getting good grades for, hopefully, a good job once out of school, was enough to set his priorities straight. Even if his hopes of a job were slim. Werewolves weren't exactly loved in the wizarding community. Or even the Muggle community at that.

"I'm bored," Sirius complained, breaking the wonderful silence Remus had been using to his advantage. Once again, his foul mood worsened at Sirius' complaint. How could he be bored when it was such a beautiful day outside? Or he could study. Not that he did so often; Sirius seemed to be a natural for most of his courses. "Wish it was a full moon."

"You might," Moony returned darkly, glancing at his companion. "We've still got Transfiguration, if you're bored you could test me… Here." He held out his book to Sirius, who snorted at it and gave Remus a disbelieving look.

"I don't need to look at that rubbish, I know it all." Remus rolled his eyes at the statement, of course he did. Sirius the Smart-ass.

James and Sirius were soon preoccupied with their favorite pastime as it walked on by – torturing Severus Snape. Remus pitied the Slytherin at times, but then he reminded himself the bloke deserved it. After all, Snape seemed to hate Remus with a passion for no apparent reason, and used every excuse to shadow him – as if Remus was a mystery to solve. Which wasn't so far-fetched a theory, but still an annoyance to Remy. So all he did was sigh and returned to the pages of his book, doing his best to block out the fact his friends were playing with Snape like a cat does with a mouse. Despite Remus' prefect status, he didn't dare call his friends off. No, his friendship with them was precious, and he didn't want to lose that. Even though he wanted to make Dumbledore proud, and not regret making him a prefect. Still, he ignored his friends, and the laughter they pulled out of the spectators who Remus assumed were gathering to watch.

Wormtail moved to get a closer look at the action, his giggling making Remus wish to bite him. And before the werewolf knew it, Snape was dangling in the air with an audience and James was bleeding. The rest was kind of a blur, and he did have to step in-between his friends and their 'prey'. They were let off the hook with a warning, earning eye-rolls from all three of his companions. James wasn't paying attention though, trying to look to where Lily had run off to, obviously pining to go after her.

Friends, what was Remus going to do with them? Especially the bunch he'd been adopted into. Sometimes they made it so hard for him to be a good student and prefect. But he did love them, hence the light warning they got off on. And of course, at dinner that evening, he was teased. The evening didn't get better in the evening either. He was invited to a Muggle game of spin the bottle, but he passed. All he needed was a good night of sleep. Fat chance of that happening.

But he would try nonetheless. Textbooks joining him in bed, Remus attempted to study once again, trying to ignore the shrieks and other noises that came from the game his friends and everyone else were playing. And much to his dismay, he wasn't left alone. Seemed at least one of his friends was genuinely worried over him.

"Oi, Moony. You should relax. All study and no play makes for a very boring werewolf," came a voice that could only belong to the infamous Sirius Black. Sirius Black, the boy that had banged just about every good-looking girl in the school and dated each one at some point in time. And so many of them would have loved to get the 'alone time' he got with Sirius, like right then.

"We have more tests tomorrow. I can't sleep anyway," Remus mumbled in response, only giving Sirius a quick glance before looking back to his books. Even as a corner of his bed sank, Remus ignored his friend.

"Liar. You just don't want to talk to any of us because the full moon is just a few days away." Sirius knew. He always knew, smart and intuitive. It's what had led Remus to find solace in Sirius more so than James or Peter. And that's just what he wanted to do that night.

Remus sighed and finally closed his book, rolling around so he could look at his dark-haired friend. "Look, Sirius, either leave me alone, or shut up," he said, sitting up to tug Sirius closer to him, their faces inches apart. "This werewolf is anything but boring and you sure as hell know it."

Well that got a grin out of Sirius. One that stayed even as Sirius closed the gap between himself and his friend, kissing him fiercely. When this had first started happening, neither boy could recall, but it always felt damn good. And at least Remus knew he only did it because it felt good. He was always used by everyone else so why return the favor?

And so Lupin planned on taking advantage of his friend and the raging teenage hormones. Anything to get rid of that primal pleasure the wolf side of him wanted, needed, so close to the full moon.


End file.
